My child is growing at a rapid pace. I look at him as he goes out the door sometimes and think "where have the last six years of my life gone?"! So many difficult tasks he and I faced. A year alone, abandonment by those we loved most, a tragic accident and the dissolution of my marriage.... that's a lot to ask for a child to face. And yet, he did so with kindness, forgiveness, love and courage.
His love and innocence is what keeps me grounded. Through the eyes of a child, I can see the world in many different ways! Yet when they sleep, I wonder what fantastic castles they're visiting, how many cities they're saving or just where we are going together.
At night, sometimes I find it difficult to sleep. I lay awake and toss and turn. Like many of us, thoughts of bills, responsibilities and other stressful things dance through our heads instead of sugar-plum fairies. And when I do fall asleep, it is short slept. I wake at 2 am, like an alarm in my head. I have trained my body to do this since my child was a baby. I'd wake to change his diaper (he's sleep right through it) and he'd wake up happy, bouncy and dry.
Now-a-days, with no diaper to change, I venture into his room to catch a glimpse of my sleeping prince. I crawl into his bed and watch him sleep. Eyes closed, soft skin with his little mouth moving ever so slightly. I sing to him. Our song, "Have I Told You Lately"....just the beginning. You'd think he wouldn't hear me and that singing to him would be for my benefit only yet I can tell you; he hears me. He knows his mother is there. And after I kiss his forehead to leave him to rest for the night, I catch a smile on his face. Ever so slightly, I touch his hand "I love you" and I tip-toe out of the room.
A small Smile in the Night; a Little Moment, that can be heard through sleeping ears will only comfort him more to know I'm not going anywhere.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Delight in someone's BIG MOMENT and make it your Little Moment
As a freelance and an Assistance Photographer, I capture the moments in a woman's life where she is the Princess for a day. Where the day finally comes true that she has been planning since putting on that first Disney Princess Dress at age 5 comes true. I am fortunate to be the one who is like the spectator in on the fun, behind the scenes, making it happen.
Within these Weddings I shoot, I find myself daydreaming during down times. Scrolling through the pictures I have taken thus far, I look at how beautiful the bride is and how much in love with her the groom is. I crack a smile and think to myself "someday, that will be me".
In these Weddings are BIG Moments that are my Little Moments I get to capture.... the first dance, the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son Dances and I think "I can't WAIT to do these things and have my big day!"
In my first marriage, we held a small ceremony of only 20 people. And even then, my husband's brother didn't even show. A small luncheon was held after the nuptials were over and then out we went. No reception, no dancing... with my husband or my father. This is something I can't let out of my sight. When I find my true love, I want to dance with him like no one else in the world is around. It's just me and him. I want to dance with my father to show him I am still, and always will be, his little girl. And this time around, I will dance with my son. He is the strength in me to keep fighting! So I look at my Weddings that I shoot as practice for my very own. Because when that time comes, I'll know exactly what to do!!
-Cheers!!!
Within these Weddings I shoot, I find myself daydreaming during down times. Scrolling through the pictures I have taken thus far, I look at how beautiful the bride is and how much in love with her the groom is. I crack a smile and think to myself "someday, that will be me".
In these Weddings are BIG Moments that are my Little Moments I get to capture.... the first dance, the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son Dances and I think "I can't WAIT to do these things and have my big day!"
In my first marriage, we held a small ceremony of only 20 people. And even then, my husband's brother didn't even show. A small luncheon was held after the nuptials were over and then out we went. No reception, no dancing... with my husband or my father. This is something I can't let out of my sight. When I find my true love, I want to dance with him like no one else in the world is around. It's just me and him. I want to dance with my father to show him I am still, and always will be, his little girl. And this time around, I will dance with my son. He is the strength in me to keep fighting! So I look at my Weddings that I shoot as practice for my very own. Because when that time comes, I'll know exactly what to do!!
-Cheers!!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Up All Night
At one point or another, in a Mother's life, there comes a time she can't keep running from the fact that her baby(ies) are growing up. And nothing says "growing up" then the dreaded first day of Kindergarten. Now, my sister, who is a seasoned Mother of four, cannot WAIT until this day comes. I, being a Mother of one, have not had the pleasure of facing such a challenge. I spent the better part of the summer before my son entered into Kindergarten, trying to make excuses and reasons up in my mind that it isn't "coming". That September was so far away, it will take a very long time to arrive. Just like as I was as a child, thinking I would never become an Adult because it was "so far away", September did actually arrive and so did the eve of Kindergarten. After putting my child to bed, who has the heart of an angel, cares so deeply for myself and those in his family, doesn't have a mean bone in his body..... I attempted to go to sleep.
No such luck.
My eyes were wide open. The ceiling looked whiter than ever. Thoughts and disasters flew through my mind. It wasn't long ago I left my child, then three, in the hands of a school and, on the first day, he came home with a broken nose. Imagine my terror, then, when having to let him go when there were no "parent camera's" to watch him on the Internet and it was up to him to tell me how school went during the day.
Around 2am, I ventured downstairs where I found my mother. Sharing a home with your parents does have its benefits. This night would have been one of them. I sat down next to my mother, looked at her and burst into tears. "MOM!" I cried, "He's not a baby anymore, I have to let him go". My mother giggles in empathy because she went through it more than once. "Lisa," she said as she held her baby, "it's ok. He'll be fine. He's a nice boy and he is a leader. He will be ok".
Somehow, that just wasn't helpful. All my hard work for the last 5 and a half years is about to be challenged by peer pressure, the unknown and.... my own memories of school. TERRIFYING. My mother kept saying to "stay strong" and "not to do this in front of the child". This I knew, which is why I was taking the time out the entire 8 hours that night to do it alone (after my Mother went to bed).
I was strong and supportive when my son woke up for school the first day. He was excited. Now, he was a "BIG BOY" and he felt like it! As he dressed, he kept saying over and over again, "no more PreK, right Mommy?" I would laugh and say "Yup, no more PreK".
The ride to school was a talkative one. He and I both, I believe, needed to keep talking to take our shivers away from us. It was all positive. I told him about all the new friends he would make in the next few months and all the wonderful things he would learn. He was telling me about what he was excited to learn and how he couldn't wait to see his classroom.
When we arrived in the Carline, it moved smoothly.... too quickly for me... by the time we got to the point where I had to let the teacher open in the door, he already had his schoolbag on his back, kissed and hugged me good-bye and out the door he went. "Have a great first day, champ!" I yelled. He turned back and, as I drove slowly away, he and I put up our hands in sign language and said "I love you". Then he disappeared into the school...
No such luck.
My eyes were wide open. The ceiling looked whiter than ever. Thoughts and disasters flew through my mind. It wasn't long ago I left my child, then three, in the hands of a school and, on the first day, he came home with a broken nose. Imagine my terror, then, when having to let him go when there were no "parent camera's" to watch him on the Internet and it was up to him to tell me how school went during the day.
Around 2am, I ventured downstairs where I found my mother. Sharing a home with your parents does have its benefits. This night would have been one of them. I sat down next to my mother, looked at her and burst into tears. "MOM!" I cried, "He's not a baby anymore, I have to let him go". My mother giggles in empathy because she went through it more than once. "Lisa," she said as she held her baby, "it's ok. He'll be fine. He's a nice boy and he is a leader. He will be ok".
Somehow, that just wasn't helpful. All my hard work for the last 5 and a half years is about to be challenged by peer pressure, the unknown and.... my own memories of school. TERRIFYING. My mother kept saying to "stay strong" and "not to do this in front of the child". This I knew, which is why I was taking the time out the entire 8 hours that night to do it alone (after my Mother went to bed).
I was strong and supportive when my son woke up for school the first day. He was excited. Now, he was a "BIG BOY" and he felt like it! As he dressed, he kept saying over and over again, "no more PreK, right Mommy?" I would laugh and say "Yup, no more PreK".
The ride to school was a talkative one. He and I both, I believe, needed to keep talking to take our shivers away from us. It was all positive. I told him about all the new friends he would make in the next few months and all the wonderful things he would learn. He was telling me about what he was excited to learn and how he couldn't wait to see his classroom.
When we arrived in the Carline, it moved smoothly.... too quickly for me... by the time we got to the point where I had to let the teacher open in the door, he already had his schoolbag on his back, kissed and hugged me good-bye and out the door he went. "Have a great first day, champ!" I yelled. He turned back and, as I drove slowly away, he and I put up our hands in sign language and said "I love you". Then he disappeared into the school...
Monday, August 15, 2011
The Sky is Falling
Imagine.... midnight at the age of 13.... you should be in bed, no? Well, not exactly. Once a year, the earth gets the see one heck of a spectacular event in a meteor shower. Something my family wouldn't miss and has loved; us being the Astronomers that we are and everything. When I was a child, my mother would bring out blankets, sleeping bags, lawn chairs, hot chocolate and a table for us to sit on our front lawn and watch the sky fall. When most people are asleep or engaged in their life that they forget to look up and marvel at what is beyond our on world; we stop and take one night a year to marvel at it. As I grew, I became more interested in the cosmos; became a HUGE fan of SyFy (Stargate Atlantis anyone?) and tried to learn whatever I could about what is beyond the stars. In fact, my five year old son knows the solar system better than most adults, being able to name the planets, in line from the sun to Pluto (well, I STILL like to think Pluto is a planet even though it's been declassified; thanks Neil DeGrass Tyson). My son has books upon books about our Earth and Universe. These books are not for kids. They're books that Adults use to learn about the solar system yet he shares in his mothers enthusiasm with the Stars.
This week was this years annual meteor shower. To take place just before dawn, 4 am couldn't have come quicker for me. Up and at 'em! I was up, dressed, in my comfy rob and outside I went. I was alone this year; it was cloudy and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see anything and then I started to see little parts here and there coming into the atmosphere and my eyes lit up like a little girl on her 4th birthday!! Into the house I went and got my mother. She and I then grabbed our lawn chairs and sat outside until the Sun rose up in the east to watch what little of the meteor shower we could see from behind the clouds. I was a bit disappointed in this years shower, but I am still happy I was up to keeping the traditions and my interest in the mysterious galaxy that surrounds our world. Perhaps one day, we'll have that chance to travel outside it and see just what lies beyond us instead of just watching the sky fall.
This week was this years annual meteor shower. To take place just before dawn, 4 am couldn't have come quicker for me. Up and at 'em! I was up, dressed, in my comfy rob and outside I went. I was alone this year; it was cloudy and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see anything and then I started to see little parts here and there coming into the atmosphere and my eyes lit up like a little girl on her 4th birthday!! Into the house I went and got my mother. She and I then grabbed our lawn chairs and sat outside until the Sun rose up in the east to watch what little of the meteor shower we could see from behind the clouds. I was a bit disappointed in this years shower, but I am still happy I was up to keeping the traditions and my interest in the mysterious galaxy that surrounds our world. Perhaps one day, we'll have that chance to travel outside it and see just what lies beyond us instead of just watching the sky fall.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A Five Year Old and a Speaker Phone
Ah to hear a child's voice through the phone can bring Grandmom and Grandpop such joy from afar. Keep a child in touch with their father as he travels for business. Or ...
completely school his mother on speaker phone as she attempts to show a friend just how "sweet and kind" her son is.
Yes, ladies and gentle men... I was that mother.
During a particular stressful and sad week, I had spent a lot of time with a friend who had just lost their mother and I helped in support, a shoulder to lean on and kept a silent cry in my heart for my friend. On one particular night, we were both working on a slide show CD to show at the viewing when I thought to myself; "I'm never going to get home in time to get Alex to bed". I looked at my friend and I said "I am going to surprise him! I'm going to take him out of school tomorrow and have a 'Mommy N' Me Day' since I haven't seen him a whole lot these last few days".
I dial my cellphone; my father answers. I ask to speak to my son... as I wait, I turn to my friend and I say "wait until you see how excited he gets when I tell him". This is the conversation as I remember it:
Alex: Hi Mommy!
Me: Hi Alex, how are you?
Alex: Good.
Me: Well listen, I have a surprise for you.
Alex: A surprise? Are you serious?!
Me: *giggle* Yes a Surprise.... You know how you haven't really seen Mommy much lately?
Alex: Yes.
Me: And you are sad about that?
Alex: Yes.
Me: Mommy wants to make it up to you...
Alex: WHAT IS IT?
Me: Tomorrow, you won't be going to school, you'll be spending the day... with MOMMY with a "Mommy N' Me Day"!
Alex:*whine* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't want a Mommy and Me Day! I want a Pop pop and Me Day!
(at this point, my friend is ROLLING with laughter at how easily this took me down and made my heart break. In the background, you could hear my Father saying "Alex don't say that, that's not nice")
Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* Alex, if you don't want a Mommy N' Me Day then I will send you to school.
Alex: YES! Send me to school!!
(Now my "friend" is about to bust a gut)
Alex: You know what Mommy?
Me: What?
Alex: Pop pops Awesome, Mom mom's Awesome, I'm Awesome ...*giggle* you're not awesome *laughter*
(again with the"friend" laughing their face off and my father AND mother now both saying in the background
"Alex! Don't say that to your mother!!)
Me: Awww, Alex... I think YOU'RE awesome.
Alex: Just kidding Mommy... I was just kidding *laughter*
Mommy: Sometimes you can hurt someones feelings even when you're just kidding. I love you.
Alex: I .. I love you too... I have to go now... I'm going to give you to Mom mom...
So you see, my lovelies... this little moment brought tears to my eyes; in BOTH ways! In all fairness, I knew from the beginning my son was playing with me; I could hear his smile through the phone. I will tell you this... my friend and I really had a good long laugh after that one. I hope you enjoyed my little moment when I shared my 5 year old with a speaker phone.
completely school his mother on speaker phone as she attempts to show a friend just how "sweet and kind" her son is.
Yes, ladies and gentle men... I was that mother.
During a particular stressful and sad week, I had spent a lot of time with a friend who had just lost their mother and I helped in support, a shoulder to lean on and kept a silent cry in my heart for my friend. On one particular night, we were both working on a slide show CD to show at the viewing when I thought to myself; "I'm never going to get home in time to get Alex to bed". I looked at my friend and I said "I am going to surprise him! I'm going to take him out of school tomorrow and have a 'Mommy N' Me Day' since I haven't seen him a whole lot these last few days".
I dial my cellphone; my father answers. I ask to speak to my son... as I wait, I turn to my friend and I say "wait until you see how excited he gets when I tell him". This is the conversation as I remember it:
Alex: Hi Mommy!
Me: Hi Alex, how are you?
Alex: Good.
Me: Well listen, I have a surprise for you.
Alex: A surprise? Are you serious?!
Me: *giggle* Yes a Surprise.... You know how you haven't really seen Mommy much lately?
Alex: Yes.
Me: And you are sad about that?
Alex: Yes.
Me: Mommy wants to make it up to you...
Alex: WHAT IS IT?
Me: Tomorrow, you won't be going to school, you'll be spending the day... with MOMMY with a "Mommy N' Me Day"!
Alex:*whine* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't want a Mommy and Me Day! I want a Pop pop and Me Day!
(at this point, my friend is ROLLING with laughter at how easily this took me down and made my heart break. In the background, you could hear my Father saying "Alex don't say that, that's not nice")
Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* Alex, if you don't want a Mommy N' Me Day then I will send you to school.
Alex: YES! Send me to school!!
(Now my "friend" is about to bust a gut)
Alex: You know what Mommy?
Me: What?
Alex: Pop pops Awesome, Mom mom's Awesome, I'm Awesome ...*giggle* you're not awesome *laughter*
(again with the"friend" laughing their face off and my father AND mother now both saying in the background
"Alex! Don't say that to your mother!!)
Me: Awww, Alex... I think YOU'RE awesome.
Alex: Just kidding Mommy... I was just kidding *laughter*
Mommy: Sometimes you can hurt someones feelings even when you're just kidding. I love you.
Alex: I .. I love you too... I have to go now... I'm going to give you to Mom mom...
So you see, my lovelies... this little moment brought tears to my eyes; in BOTH ways! In all fairness, I knew from the beginning my son was playing with me; I could hear his smile through the phone. I will tell you this... my friend and I really had a good long laugh after that one. I hope you enjoyed my little moment when I shared my 5 year old with a speaker phone.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Hurt Behind Her Eyes
Written by Robert Zastavny
There is something deep within the eyes of Lisa Marie
Can you see....
Will she allow you...
Will you take the time, or stop at her outer beauty
Not many will truly see what they hold
Many will see her eyes, the lucky ones will see only the eyes
The story behind the eyes, the soul, will be revealed to the fortunate ones
The lucky ones are just that, lucky to see such an external beauty, a beauty that can not be denied, but this beauty, striking as it is, pales in comparison to the story that will be told to the fortunate one
A story told to those with patience to see beyond the surface beauty
A story filled with pain, struggle, heartache but a story filled with faith hope and love
These eyes tell of a promise of what is to come will be greater, stronger and sweeter because of what has passed before these eyes
When one gazes upon the eyes of Lisa Marie, there is no loser, for even the lucky one who can not, will not take the time to linger, the reward is present, a smile, a twinkle of the eye
The true gift is given to the one who is patient, lasting and true, willing to look past the fleeting glance, taking the extra time to look past the outward beauty to the canvas of the story she longs to tell to the one
Do you look away?
Does she let you in?
Will you stay?
Lucky or fortunate?
There is something inside Lisa Marie
The look given, she is inviting me in
You missed the chance, you looked away, smiling you walk away only lucky
I will not settle for lucky - I want fortunate
Tell me a story Lisa Marie, together, we will walk, heart in heart, the fortunate ones - Turn the page, I am ready
Can you see....
Will she allow you...
Will you take the time, or stop at her outer beauty
Not many will truly see what they hold
Many will see her eyes, the lucky ones will see only the eyes
The story behind the eyes, the soul, will be revealed to the fortunate ones
The lucky ones are just that, lucky to see such an external beauty, a beauty that can not be denied, but this beauty, striking as it is, pales in comparison to the story that will be told to the fortunate one
A story told to those with patience to see beyond the surface beauty
A story filled with pain, struggle, heartache but a story filled with faith hope and love
These eyes tell of a promise of what is to come will be greater, stronger and sweeter because of what has passed before these eyes
When one gazes upon the eyes of Lisa Marie, there is no loser, for even the lucky one who can not, will not take the time to linger, the reward is present, a smile, a twinkle of the eye
The true gift is given to the one who is patient, lasting and true, willing to look past the fleeting glance, taking the extra time to look past the outward beauty to the canvas of the story she longs to tell to the one
Do you look away?
Does she let you in?
Will you stay?
Lucky or fortunate?
There is something inside Lisa Marie
The look given, she is inviting me in
You missed the chance, you looked away, smiling you walk away only lucky
I will not settle for lucky - I want fortunate
Tell me a story Lisa Marie, together, we will walk, heart in heart, the fortunate ones - Turn the page, I am ready
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Adult Swim
When I was a little girl, I attended a swim club near my home where my mother worked. It was part of a community club so there was all kinds of good memories from here. My Dad teaching me how to swim without water wings, jumping off the diving board for the first time and pizza from their kitchen! The only down draw to this particular club was that, every hour or so, they would make every kid get out of the pool so the "Adults" could "Swim". It was called the "Adult Swim" and it was the meanest thing you could do to a kid on a hot, summer day when they've been swimming and then forced to shiver under their towels for a half hour as the Adult just stand in the water. No, no NO Adult actually SWAM during this time. My father would go in and I would sit on the side of the pool with my feet in the water. He would do tricks and splash me and find ways to help me pass the time. But this I just couldn't understand as a child. I suppose now as an Adult myself, I would appreciate the opportunity to swim without the kids splashing, kicking and just being kids in the pool but I still kinda don't agree with it.
There was one horribly hot day when I remember the Adult Swim was called and all the kids got out. I sat on the side, as usual, and in went Dad. It seemed like FOREVER as I waited for them to blow the whistle to tell us we could go back in. I remember playing with my Dad with my feet and I heard "the whistle". Up I stood and in I jumped! but when I came up and saw all the other kids jumping in too, the Adults were going FRANTIC trying to get out. Apparently, the whistle was NOT for us to go back in but to stop someone from doing something wrong. I'm sorry, I'm a kid, I have NO track of time but it had only been 15 minuets into the Adult Swim and I had just single handily brought it to a premature end. My Dad was laughing and embarrassed at the same time as I came up for air and he whispered to me "way to go, Lisa. You got all these old girls swimming for their lives".
I was the hero for the day after that! The most popular kid at the pool as all the kids were SO THANKFUL I put a stop to the ridiculous "Adult Swim", at least for the time being. I didn't get into any trouble from the club managers. Seriously, it was a funny situation and an honest mistake by a jumpy kid.
From that point forward, I always went back to my chair and laid out in the sun until the Adult Swim was over and left it up to someone else to jump in before it was over. It was good to be leader for a day and totally embarrassing at the same time.
There was one horribly hot day when I remember the Adult Swim was called and all the kids got out. I sat on the side, as usual, and in went Dad. It seemed like FOREVER as I waited for them to blow the whistle to tell us we could go back in. I remember playing with my Dad with my feet and I heard "the whistle". Up I stood and in I jumped! but when I came up and saw all the other kids jumping in too, the Adults were going FRANTIC trying to get out. Apparently, the whistle was NOT for us to go back in but to stop someone from doing something wrong. I'm sorry, I'm a kid, I have NO track of time but it had only been 15 minuets into the Adult Swim and I had just single handily brought it to a premature end. My Dad was laughing and embarrassed at the same time as I came up for air and he whispered to me "way to go, Lisa. You got all these old girls swimming for their lives".
I was the hero for the day after that! The most popular kid at the pool as all the kids were SO THANKFUL I put a stop to the ridiculous "Adult Swim", at least for the time being. I didn't get into any trouble from the club managers. Seriously, it was a funny situation and an honest mistake by a jumpy kid.
From that point forward, I always went back to my chair and laid out in the sun until the Adult Swim was over and left it up to someone else to jump in before it was over. It was good to be leader for a day and totally embarrassing at the same time.
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