Smile in the Night

My child is growing at a rapid pace.  I look at him as he goes out the door sometimes and think "where have the last six years of my life gone?"! So many difficult tasks he and I faced. A year alone, abandonment by those we loved most, a tragic accident and the dissolution of my marriage.... that's a lot to ask for a child to face.  And yet, he did so with kindness, forgiveness, love and courage.

His love and innocence is what keeps me grounded.  Through the eyes of a child, I can see the world in many different ways!  Yet when they sleep, I wonder what fantastic castles they're visiting, how many cities they're saving or just where we are going together.

At night, sometimes I find it difficult to sleep.  I lay awake and toss and turn.  Like many of us, thoughts of bills, responsibilities and other stressful things dance through our heads instead of sugar-plum fairies.  And when I do fall asleep, it is short slept.  I wake at 2 am, like an alarm in my head.  I have trained my body to do this since my child was a baby.  I'd wake to change his diaper (he's sleep right through it) and he'd wake up happy, bouncy and dry. 

Now-a-days, with no diaper to change, I venture into his room to catch a glimpse of my sleeping prince. I crawl into his bed and watch him sleep. Eyes closed, soft skin with his little mouth moving ever so slightly.  I sing to him.  Our song, "Have I Told You Lately"....just the beginning.  You'd think he wouldn't hear me and that singing to him would be for my benefit only yet I can tell you; he hears me.  He knows his mother is there.  And after I kiss his forehead to leave him to rest for the night, I catch a smile on his face. Ever so slightly, I touch his hand "I love you" and I tip-toe out of the room.

A small Smile in the Night; a Little Moment, that can be heard through sleeping ears will only comfort him more to know I'm not going anywhere.

Delight in someone's BIG MOMENT and make it your Little Moment

As a freelance and an Assistance Photographer, I capture the moments in a woman's life where she is the Princess for a day.  Where the day finally comes true that she has been planning since putting on that first Disney Princess Dress at age 5 comes true.  I am fortunate to be the one who is like the spectator in on the fun, behind the scenes, making it happen. 

Within these Weddings I shoot, I find myself daydreaming during down times.  Scrolling through the pictures I have taken thus far, I look at how beautiful the bride is and how much in love with her the groom is.  I crack a smile and think to myself "someday, that will be me". 

In these Weddings are BIG Moments that are my Little Moments I get to capture.... the first dance, the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son Dances and I think "I can't WAIT to do these things and have my big day!"

In my first marriage, we held a small ceremony of only 20 people.  And even then, my husband's brother didn't even show.  A small luncheon was held after the nuptials were over and then out we went.  No reception, no dancing... with my husband or my father.  This is something I can't let out of my sight.  When I find my true love, I want to dance with him like no one else in the world is around.  It's just me and him.  I want to dance with my father to show him I am still, and always will be, his little girl.  And this time around, I will dance with my son.  He is the strength in me to keep fighting!  So I look at my Weddings that I shoot as practice for my very own.  Because when that time comes, I'll know exactly what to do!!

-Cheers!!!

Up All Night

At one point or another, in a Mother's life, there comes a time she can't keep running from the fact that her baby(ies) are growing up.  And nothing says "growing up" then the dreaded first day of Kindergarten.  Now, my sister, who is a seasoned Mother of four, cannot WAIT until this day comes. I, being a Mother of one, have not had the pleasure of facing such a challenge.  I spent the better part of the summer before my son entered into Kindergarten, trying to make excuses and reasons up in my mind that it isn't "coming".  That September was so far away, it will take a very long time to arrive.  Just like as I was as a child, thinking I would never become an Adult because it was "so far away", September did actually arrive and so did the eve of Kindergarten.  After putting my child to bed, who has the heart of an angel, cares so deeply for myself and those in his family, doesn't have a mean bone in his body..... I attempted to go to sleep. 

No such luck.

My eyes were wide open.  The ceiling looked whiter than ever.  Thoughts and disasters flew through my mind.  It wasn't long ago I left my child, then three, in the hands of a school and, on the first day, he came home with a broken nose.  Imagine my terror, then, when having to let him go when there were no "parent camera's" to watch him on the Internet and it was up to him to tell me how school went during the day. 

Around 2am, I ventured downstairs where I found my mother.  Sharing a home with your parents does have its benefits.  This night would have been one of them.  I sat down next to my mother, looked at her and burst into tears. "MOM!" I cried, "He's not a baby anymore, I have to let him go".  My mother giggles in empathy because she went through it more than once.  "Lisa," she said as she held her baby, "it's ok. He'll be fine.  He's a nice boy and he is a leader.  He will be ok". 

Somehow, that just wasn't helpful.  All my hard work for the last 5 and a half years is about to be challenged by peer pressure, the unknown and.... my own memories of school.  TERRIFYING.  My mother kept saying to "stay strong" and "not to do this in front of the child".  This I knew, which is why I was taking the time out the entire 8 hours that night to do it alone (after my Mother went to bed). 

I was strong and supportive when my son woke up for school the first day.  He was excited.  Now, he was a "BIG BOY" and he felt like it!  As he dressed, he kept saying over and over again, "no more PreK, right Mommy?" I would laugh and say "Yup, no more PreK".

The ride to school was a talkative one.  He and I both, I believe, needed to keep talking to take our shivers away from us.  It was all positive.  I told him about all the new friends he would make in the next few months and all the wonderful things he would learn.  He was telling me about what he was excited to learn and how he couldn't wait to see his classroom. 

When we arrived in the Carline, it moved smoothly.... too quickly for me... by the time we got to the point where I had to let the teacher open in the door, he already had his schoolbag on his back, kissed and hugged me good-bye and out the door he went. "Have a great first day, champ!" I yelled.  He turned back and, as I drove slowly away, he and I put up our hands in sign language and said "I love you".  Then he disappeared into the school...