Up All Night

At one point or another, in a Mother's life, there comes a time she can't keep running from the fact that her baby(ies) are growing up.  And nothing says "growing up" then the dreaded first day of Kindergarten.  Now, my sister, who is a seasoned Mother of four, cannot WAIT until this day comes. I, being a Mother of one, have not had the pleasure of facing such a challenge.  I spent the better part of the summer before my son entered into Kindergarten, trying to make excuses and reasons up in my mind that it isn't "coming".  That September was so far away, it will take a very long time to arrive.  Just like as I was as a child, thinking I would never become an Adult because it was "so far away", September did actually arrive and so did the eve of Kindergarten.  After putting my child to bed, who has the heart of an angel, cares so deeply for myself and those in his family, doesn't have a mean bone in his body..... I attempted to go to sleep. 

No such luck.

My eyes were wide open.  The ceiling looked whiter than ever.  Thoughts and disasters flew through my mind.  It wasn't long ago I left my child, then three, in the hands of a school and, on the first day, he came home with a broken nose.  Imagine my terror, then, when having to let him go when there were no "parent camera's" to watch him on the Internet and it was up to him to tell me how school went during the day. 

Around 2am, I ventured downstairs where I found my mother.  Sharing a home with your parents does have its benefits.  This night would have been one of them.  I sat down next to my mother, looked at her and burst into tears. "MOM!" I cried, "He's not a baby anymore, I have to let him go".  My mother giggles in empathy because she went through it more than once.  "Lisa," she said as she held her baby, "it's ok. He'll be fine.  He's a nice boy and he is a leader.  He will be ok". 

Somehow, that just wasn't helpful.  All my hard work for the last 5 and a half years is about to be challenged by peer pressure, the unknown and.... my own memories of school.  TERRIFYING.  My mother kept saying to "stay strong" and "not to do this in front of the child".  This I knew, which is why I was taking the time out the entire 8 hours that night to do it alone (after my Mother went to bed). 

I was strong and supportive when my son woke up for school the first day.  He was excited.  Now, he was a "BIG BOY" and he felt like it!  As he dressed, he kept saying over and over again, "no more PreK, right Mommy?" I would laugh and say "Yup, no more PreK".

The ride to school was a talkative one.  He and I both, I believe, needed to keep talking to take our shivers away from us.  It was all positive.  I told him about all the new friends he would make in the next few months and all the wonderful things he would learn.  He was telling me about what he was excited to learn and how he couldn't wait to see his classroom. 

When we arrived in the Carline, it moved smoothly.... too quickly for me... by the time we got to the point where I had to let the teacher open in the door, he already had his schoolbag on his back, kissed and hugged me good-bye and out the door he went. "Have a great first day, champ!" I yelled.  He turned back and, as I drove slowly away, he and I put up our hands in sign language and said "I love you".  Then he disappeared into the school...